i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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