you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
