who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
that may or may not have been my penis.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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