It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
