I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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