I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
