I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
