Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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