why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
