I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
