can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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