She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
