i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
