he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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