I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
