I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
