I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i came on her dog
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize