There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
