there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
