Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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