if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
