Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
