just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
