cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
