At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize