If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
