Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This is the high leading the old right now
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
