You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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