Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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