I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize