You work out of a Hotel?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
