you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
