the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
