my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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