who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
