you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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