i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
