nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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