there's paper in my vomit.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
