she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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