Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize