the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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