He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
