Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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