this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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