I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
