i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
