omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
