Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
