think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
