I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
