you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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