I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
