My room smells like vodka and shame
look no pants
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
