If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
