my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
