Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
