Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
