I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
