Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
