he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize