You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
