Is it because I queefed?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
