We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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