you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
