from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
