He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
