I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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