New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
