I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Sext me about skeletons
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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