My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
