Princesses don't give blow jobs
Operation Purity has been aborted
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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