Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
