Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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