I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I have post one night stand depression
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
