so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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