I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
