did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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