Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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