ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
