every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
