I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
