we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
