super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
