He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize