Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
