shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
