what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize