Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
