I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Actions speak louder than pants.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
