i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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