Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
